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Some days are like this

May 2, 2011

Tortoise at Dusit Zoo, Bangkok

I spent all day outside working in the garden and have nearly nothing to show for it.  I cleared 4.2 square feet of dirt free from invasive violets, star of bethlehem, and deadly nightshade.  I heard the weeds further down the bed laughing at me in my futile attempt to stop their march to dominate the world.  Copious amounts of gasoline and fire started sounding like an awfully attractive eradication method (Wendy, I blame your husband for planting this idea into my head), but alas, these weeds were growing practically out of the very foundation of my house.

Feeling discouraged, I finally realized that I am going about this all wrong – instead of hand-weeding about as fast as a tortoise, I’m going to buy a tortoise, slap a shock collar on him, and install an invisible fence.  He can live outside all summer and I’ll train him to eat only the stuff we don’t like.  It’ll be like having one of those lawn-mowing robots but for weeds.  And the boys can ride him.  Double bonus.

So then, as I was heading inside after my long, unproductive day, I made the mistake of wandering past the site of the Devil’s Walkingstick that Kyle destroyed last summer.  It is BACK.  And it is pissed that we tried to kill it.  There are now 7 separate trees clawing their way towards my house, spitting thorns of death, intent on our annihilation.  I’m giving up on that one.  It’s obviously going to eat our house no matter what we do.  So I guess the tortoise training wouldn’t be worth the effort.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. jennifer permalink
    May 2, 2011 10:12 pm

    NO. FIRE. All I’m going to say is: Ask Todd.

  2. kyle permalink
    May 3, 2011 11:29 am

    Don’t worry, the Devil’s Walkingstick will be toast, as soon as I can spend some time on it. Actually, you’re right. It will devour the house.

    • May 3, 2011 11:43 am

      You commented on our blog? My knees just went weak and I have butterflies in my stomach. Is this love that I’m feeling? =)

  3. Courtney permalink
    May 3, 2011 1:18 pm

    You know my answer to this predicament. 204 Nixon Ave. And we can get goats. Together.

  4. May 4, 2011 11:06 am

    Be careful. The tortoise might eat all your tasty vegetables and leave the weeds. Unless you are some kind of tortoise whisperer.

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